Decision Paralysis & ADHD

Decision paralysis is defined (thanks, AI) as the inability to make a decision due to:

• Overthinking
• Fear of making the wrong choice (hello, anxiety)
• Being overwhelmed by too many options

The result? Procrastination, anxiety and sometimes doing nothing at all. A few simple tools can help—limiting choices, setting deadlines, and accepting that “good enough” is often more than enough.

Decision paralysis is especially common in people with ADHD. Many of us also live with anxiety and executive functioning challenges, which only complicates things. People close to me—especially my children and my husband—get frustrated. But no one is more frustrated by my indecision than I am.

I can drag decisions out for painfully long periods, sometimes until the choice is no longer mine. For a while, that felt like a strategy. But I’ve learned that not making a decision is making a decision—I just lose my power in the process. The longer I delay, the more anxious I become, and the heavier the decision feels.

Anxiety pushes the brain into “threat mode,” hijacking the amygdala and pulling us into emotion instead of rational thought. ADHD, on the other hand, is tied to executive dysfunction, making it hard to prioritize, organize, and process choices. Together, they create a perfect storm where even small decisions feel enormous.

One thing that helps me is outsourcing decisions, especially the small, low-stakes ones. I often tell myself, maybe this isn’t my decision to make. I ask a co-worker, my spouse, or even my students.

As a teacher, I’m constantly choosing: Which topic for morning circle? Which art project today? Which book for story time? Most of these decisions won’t matter in 10 months—or 10 years. So I narrow it down to two options and let my co-teacher decide, or I let the kids vote. Decision made. Bonus: they learn about buy-in and democracy.

The same applies at home. What should I make for dinner? When I feel like the decision rests entirely on me, it feels like a burden—like if something goes wrong, it’s all my fault. Asking for help shares the responsibility and increases the chance that more people will be happy with the outcome. If my family helps choose the meal, there’s a better chance they’ll enjoy it and actually eat it.

Breaking tasks into smaller pieces also helps. Instead of clean the room, I start with books. Then clothes. Then I reassess—move forward or take a break.

Even writing this blog followed that pattern. I knew I wanted to add an ADHD category, but instead of writing a 25-page manifesto I’d never edit, I created a general introduction and decided to add focused posts every few weeks. Today’s topic: making decisions. Knowing I don’t have to do everything at once helps me stay focused—and finish faster. That’s a huge win for the ADHD brain, which loves instant gratification. Tasks that feel endless often lose me to boredom or distraction.

Menus at restaurants are another classic overwhelm moment. Too many options. I like everything. How do I decide? I create my own criteria. such as “i’m not drinking this month”, or “I’m staying away from pork today” or even “i’m going gluten free.” . We went out for Italian food for my son’s birthday, and my stomach was off—so I limited myself to bland options and asked the waitress for recommendations. Done.

Then there are the big, long-term decisions. Stay at my job or leave? This is where the overthinking loops take over. What if I regret it? What about finances, freedom, boredom, or giving up a good thing? With ADHD, every reason carries equal weight. Picking the strongest one feels impossible—I feel strongly about almost everything.

I remind myself: it’s not the only job in the world. It’s not the last time we’ll come to this restaurant. It’s not the end of the world if I choose wrong. I can change my mind. I can come back. Doors don’t always close forever. Even knowing something could be an option later helps reduce the pressure.

I once overheard a teacher say to a student in a painting class, “If you don’t like it, you’ll change it.” That sentence stayed with me. When fear of regret paralyzes me, remembering that I have the freedom to adjust later makes taking a leap easier.

Radical acceptance helps too—especially noticing when a decision is driven by what others might think. Accepting that I am the one most impacted by my own choices. Your opinion matters more. Set limits on how much space other people’s judgments take up in your head. And be willing to disappoint others in order to do what is right for me, that is pretty radical for a people pleaser. 

Even with all these strategies, some days they work and some days they don’t. I’m not officially diagnosed and don’t take medication, so much of my coping is learned behavior. Routine helps a lot. I put my bag in the same place every day so I never have to think about it. Structure removes decisions altogether.

My brain craves unstructured freedom for creativity—but it also needs routine, or I lose my way and melt down. Acceptance again: it’s okay to stop and finish later.

Anxiety creeps in when decisions are delayed and consequences start to feel catastrophic. It feels like driving 80 miles an hour toward a fork in the highway, unable to read the signs, terrified that choosing the wrong road will lead to disaster. That’s what decision pressure feels like in my body. sometimes I need to pause and re-center, take a breathe, tell myself Im okay and take a step, sometimes any step is better then no step then at least I have something to respond to.

This affects my day-to-day life. Even when I make progress, it never disappears completely. It takes work, and I forget sometimes—especially when I’m tired, sick, or overwhelmed. When that happens, I try to give myself grace and remind others: this is how my brain works. I don’t always like it, but it’s my reality.

Is there an upside? The only one I can think of is that sometimes slow to process and taking time to make a big decision can serve me better, because time can weed out trivial matters. I have a friend who says she admires my slower processing becasue I don’t often put my foot in my mouth!

What about you? What do you think the upside of decision paralysis is? 

by Kim Blenkhorn